spring stress and the rest

fact: i'm a fantastic procrastinator

this of course, thus causes me infinite stress.

instead of having the mentral strength and self control to --no meredith don't pull up facebook-- or --no, meredith, you don't NEED to test your knowledge of the countries of africa on sporcle right now--, or --NO, MEREDITH! PUT DOWN MAMMA MIA IT IS NOT IMPERATIVE THAT YOU WATCH IT RIGHT NOW!!-- stop myself from doing pointless things and just sitting down and getting work done...i let myself watch that movie, or troll facebook, or obsessively play geography or harry potter trivia games online and avoid anything and everything i have to do until it is absolutely most vital i do it.

example #1: homework

why have i missed my blackboard posts for English for the past 3 weeks?

because i didn't complete the reading in time

why?

i think it has something to do with a fear of failure...i don't want to bother putting forth the effort if i'm likely to not understand the text and thus have a stupid blackboard post...how stupid is that?

example #2:

this of course stems from my failure to do homework on time...

but.

i haven't studied much coxing things in ages...if i could freaking do my work on time for school...then i'd have more time to study coxing and GET BETTER

so why haven't i?

i pretty much just want to sleep forever. it's pathetic but true.

also,

i'm rather disappointed in myself but the other day i was so displeased with myself and the way i've handled college thus far (not spectacularly to be quite honest) that i ACTUALLY CONSIDERED DROPPING OUT.

what. is. wrong. with. me.

haven't i been taught my whole life that you need a college degree to get anywhere in life?

and i know it's true, i just let the littlest things get to me and get far too wrapped up in them and then consider stupid, awful alternatives and actually consider them for too long....

i should probably fix that bad habit...

on brighter notes (and in alphabetical terms):

A) i was invited to join a team of 4 in a harry potter trivia/costume contest at clem in about 2 weeks time. this was appropriate

-because i am "nargle"

-because i know a lot about harry potter

-because i shake with excitement every time i watch/red harry potter

-because on sporcle's "harry potter a-z" i got all of them correct except for x, simply because i couldn't spell "xenophilius" (luna lovegood's father)

-because i'm a general harry potter enthusiast

B) i was invited to stay for spring break training!!!

this means:

-i'm in the top 2 for novice coxswains

-i don't get to go home for spring break (the only vice) :[

-i get to see B! when alabama comes to race us at the end of spring break :)

C) today, Mr, B, and i drove to greenville to shop at a real mall (closest one to clem...lame)

i purchased

-vix <3

-flip flops <3

-to haiti with

love t-shirt

from j-crew <3

annd

awesome musical selections were made on mix cds by myself and Mr

which of course brightened the day

further:

resulted in a chipotle meal for dinner. amen.

D) i finally did laundry this weekend

this means:

CLEAN CLOTHES OH MY GOODNESS YESSS

E) we are reading atonement in english 310 which is fast becoming one of my favorite books.....

IAN MCEWAN

IS

A

LITERARY

GENIUS

i basically explode with every sentence i read...it's that brilliant and that delightful

F) Apps in ! (waiting until may for the verdict....will keep posted!)

G) S comes in 5 days <3

H) T comes in 11 days <3

I) spring break in 12 days <3