spring stress and the rest

fact: i'm a fantastic procrastinator

this of course, thus causes me infinite stress.

instead of having the mentral strength and self control to --no meredith don't pull up facebook-- or --no, meredith, you don't NEED to test your knowledge of the countries of africa on sporcle right now--, or --NO, MEREDITH! PUT DOWN MAMMA MIA IT IS NOT IMPERATIVE THAT YOU WATCH IT RIGHT NOW!!-- stop myself from doing pointless things and just sitting down and getting work done...i let myself watch that movie, or troll facebook, or obsessively play geography or harry potter trivia games online and avoid anything and everything i have to do until it is absolutely most vital i do it.

example #1: homework

why have i missed my blackboard posts for English for the past 3 weeks?

because i didn't complete the reading in time

why?

i think it has something to do with a fear of failure...i don't want to bother putting forth the effort if i'm likely to not understand the text and thus have a stupid blackboard post...how stupid is that?

example #2:

this of course stems from my failure to do homework on time...

but.

i haven't studied much coxing things in ages...if i could freaking do my work on time for school...then i'd have more time to study coxing and GET BETTER

so why haven't i?

i pretty much just want to sleep forever. it's pathetic but true.

also,

i'm rather disappointed in myself but the other day i was so displeased with myself and the way i've handled college thus far (not spectacularly to be quite honest) that i ACTUALLY CONSIDERED DROPPING OUT.

what. is. wrong. with. me.

haven't i been taught my whole life that you need a college degree to get anywhere in life?

and i know it's true, i just let the littlest things get to me and get far too wrapped up in them and then consider stupid, awful alternatives and actually consider them for too long....

i should probably fix that bad habit...

on brighter notes (and in alphabetical terms):

A) i was invited to join a team of 4 in a harry potter trivia/costume contest at clem in about 2 weeks time. this was appropriate

-because i am "nargle"

-because i know a lot about harry potter

-because i shake with excitement every time i watch/red harry potter

-because on sporcle's "harry potter a-z" i got all of them correct except for x, simply because i couldn't spell "xenophilius" (luna lovegood's father)

-because i'm a general harry potter enthusiast

B) i was invited to stay for spring break training!!!

this means:

-i'm in the top 2 for novice coxswains

-i don't get to go home for spring break (the only vice) :[

-i get to see B! when alabama comes to race us at the end of spring break :)

C) today, Mr, B, and i drove to greenville to shop at a real mall (closest one to clem...lame)

i purchased

-vix <3

-flip flops <3

-to haiti with

love t-shirt

from j-crew <3

annd

awesome musical selections were made on mix cds by myself and Mr

which of course brightened the day

further:

resulted in a chipotle meal for dinner. amen.

D) i finally did laundry this weekend

this means:

CLEAN CLOTHES OH MY GOODNESS YESSS

E) we are reading atonement in english 310 which is fast becoming one of my favorite books.....

IAN MCEWAN

IS

A

LITERARY

GENIUS

i basically explode with every sentence i read...it's that brilliant and that delightful

F) Apps in ! (waiting until may for the verdict....will keep posted!)

G) S comes in 5 days <3

H) T comes in 11 days <3

I) spring break in 12 days <3

thought of the day

it's easy to love something you're good at

it's hard to love something you're bad at

me vs. you

it truly astounds me how much there is to KNOW about someone.

like...in any given day there are so many people i talk to that you would never know i speak to them....i think so many things you'd never ask about...there's just so much about me that you would never know.

like...if i asked you to sit down and write down LITERALLY EVERYTHING you think, see, do, talk about, think about, etc.... i would be blown away by how much about you i would never think, never expect, never know.

and i think thats amazing...

life without a phone

survived day two without a phone.

saturday night i dropped my phone in a toilet and it is now destroyed...refuses to turn on despite being taken apart, dried, blow-dried, and stuck in rice.

i know i seem dramatic...but i truly am disturbingly reliant on my cell phone.

tomorrow afternoon my new phone will arrive in the mail.

tomorrow afternoon cannot come any faster...

crises of the mind

ever lay in bed and just think too much?

or get reminded of something that makes you terribly emotional

or talk to someone you haven't spoken with in ages and it releases so many memories...

this sounds so cliche but basically count me in to all of the above tonight and that leaves me about ready for an emotional and mental breakdown.

i've listened to "only time" and "wild child" by enya on repeat 8 times each now...

i just want it all to be figured out.

clueso

wait...i think he's so cute

german rapper, singer, songwriter, etc named for, yes the inspector clouseau of the pink panther series. i walked into german class today and my professor was playing clueso's song "chicago" and i instantly fell in love...aka wikipedia-ed him...he's adorable!

best weekend

thursday, friday, saturday, sunday have accumulated to be one of the best weekends i've had since coming to clemson.

thursday night i received a special invite to "pizza night," a weekly to biweekly occurrence hosted by B, Lc, and Rl. it's a big deal to be invited to pizza night....it's almost sacred to those three and it was a huge honor to be a guest there. anyway, the concept behind pizza night is to make pizzas out of cheese, pepperoni, pizza sauce, and a crust/base of a tortilla. we also had bagged salad (caesar) and a glass of wine each, so it was very classy and delicious :)

friday i woke up to terrible weather--freezing rain and just a general dreariness encompassing clemson--but we had been surprised by having no morning practice, and my second class of the day was cancelled. i only had to attend my one class, and then i went home and took a nap. later, B picked me up and we went over to her house with Jz, Mr, and Lz and painted wine glasses all afternoon. I painted a set of 4 for my mother for her birthday with different horses on each and horse shoes on the base...i hope she likes them :)

friday night we ate dinner at panera and then went to see dear john--i cried for literally an hour and half plus...

saturday was epic in itself, okay practice, great nap, great outings with B, Mr, Jz, etc, and just a great general day overall :)

and here we are on sunday, Cr is preparing us an epic super bowl feast, with the help of V, etc and i'm just generally in a great mood and super happy :)

oh and the good news is i have a roommate for next year--Lc and i plan to live in lightsey I together --so that'll be fun :)

ask me questions

i stumbled upon this cool little site today and promptly set up an account

i think it's pretty cool...

you can type in anonymous questions and i can choose to publicly answer.

find my page here!